Literally I Can’t Believe this Song Exists

Could this be 2014’s answer to last year’s rape anthem “blurred lines?” I think so…I think the record company has come to learn that too because this message now pops up at the start of the song:

This message pops up when the video starts

This message pops up when the video starts

“The following is a satirical video based on Sororities/Fraternities and the cliche “Literally I Can’t”.

This content is in no way to be interpreted as misogynistic or negative towards any groups of people. It is an art piece and it shall be taken as such.”

The whole song is basically telling girls to “shut the fuck up” and now the disclaimer is saying this shall be taken as an art piece. I can’t help but feel that should say should be taken as such…but I’m female so they have the right to tell me what to do. We also clearly have very different ideas about what constitutes “art.” I would call this trash but, once again, female, therefore I should just shut up.

If I hear any little girls singing this (and I’m sure I will), I will die a little inside.

Here’s the lovely video:

And the lyrics (taken from http://artists.letssingit.com/play-n-skillz-lyrics-literally-i-cant-feat-enertia-mcfly-lil-jon-and-redfoo-f4gg5d9#axzz3JEEVkt5o):

[Intro: Lil Jon]
Hey!!! (HEY!)
Ladies and gentlemen, (YEAH!)
It’s time to party! (PARTY!)
So that means (WHAT?)
While I’m at my mother fucking table (UH HUH)
And I’m trying to dance (UH HUH)
Don’t fucking talk to me! (LET’S GO!)

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party? (PARTY, PARTY, PARTY)
I can’t
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t
(LET’S GO!)
Wanna dance?
I can’t
Where your friends?
I can’t
Girl on girl?
I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
OMG, STFU!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Redfoo!!!!! (OH! LET’S ROCK!)

[Verse 1: Redfoo]
Yo! We in the club
We bottle poppin’
We sippin’ that bubbly
We-we-we Party Rockin’
You got a big ol’ butt
I can tell by the way you’re walkin’
But you annoying me ’cause you’re talkin’ (STFU!)
Bounce on the pogo
Jump on the jack hammer
Get low, low, low
While I Instagram ya
Shhh, don’t talk about it, be about it
Work it and twerk it, and maybe I’ll tweet about it
They’ll read about it
And you could be winnin’
I said jump on the poll
I didn’t mean your opinion
Gurrrrl I’m sippin’ on this drink
I’m tryna see what you got
Not tryna hear what you think

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party?
I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
OMG, STFU
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[Verse 2 Enertia McFly]
Look… I’m tryna get your fine ass on the dance flo
Girl I wanna see you get low
Go ahead and bring it up slow
You’re booty in my hand is my new motto
Got the face of a model
Put your lips on my bottle
Let me see you take it to the head
Girl I know that you can
I don’t wanna hear no
Girl have you heard of my new super friends?
Play-N-Skillz, Redfoo and Lil Jon they comin’ in
And turn the party to a crazy mad house
Going all night until I just black out
After I do all that we can make out
Girl you know what Enertia all about

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party?
I can’t
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t
(LET’S GO!)
Wanna dance?
I can’t
Where your friends?
I can’t
Girl on girl?
I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
OMG, STFU!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

You can judge for yourselves.

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The Ched Evans Issue

I was born on Wednesday in April 1989, I was supposed to go home on Saturday but Dad was at an FA cup game. Almost eight years earlier my parents got married in the Summer because my Nana couldn’t possibly risk missing a home game. I had no chance, I was born into football. I love it. However, as a woman, I do have issues with the way some players treat women.

I’ve watched Norwich my whole life and I always have a favourite player. When we signed Ched Evans on loan in 2007 I was ecstatic, not just because he was a brilliant but also because he was freaking cute! Living in Australia, I couldn’t go to the games so I would bug my Nana to get things signed for me. I kept his posters and cards on my wall.

As I grew up, the posters came down, Evans went back to Manchester City and then to Sheffield United, but the posters remained in a box beneath my bed, still treasured possessions.

When he was charged with rape in 2011, I avoided reading about it. When he was convicted in 2012 my world crumbled. I made a public show of ripping up my posters and throwing them on the ground (yeh I know I was 23 at the time and acting like a teenager). I was disgusted. My Nana had died in 2009 and during one of her last seasons of watching football I had sent her chasing after a rapist. He would have known her. I felt physically ill, but more than that, I felt betrayed.

I felt betrayed by the sport that was a significant part of my identity and betrayed by the individual who I had looked up to, can you blame me for ripping up things?

In case you are not aware of the story here’s what happened:
Evans and fellow-footballer Clayton McDonald were charged with the rape of a 19 year old woman who was too drunk to consent.
Allegedly McDonald met the girl, who he claims was very coherent and she wanted to go back to his hotel with him. He agreed and on the way text Evans to say he had met a girl.
She apparently initiated sex with McDonald, then Evans came around and McDonald asked if Evans could join. The woman allegedly consented but the next morning awoke naked and alone in the hotel room with very little memory of what had happened.
While McDonald was cleared of all charges (something I still don’t understand), Evans was found guilty of rape and sentenced to 5 years in prison.
Evans has not denied having sex with the girl but continues to maintain his innocence because she consented.
In another cruel twist, some people released the victim’s name on Twitter, which of course led to her being harassed by supporters of Evans.

Evans was released from prison in the 17th October this year after serving just 2 and half years of his 5 year sentence. Now if that was where this story ended that would be fine, but sadly it’s not. This week Evans resumed training with his former club Sheffield United. I know I am usually one of the most vocal advocates for giving second chances, but when it comes to public figures, they unfortunately do need to be held to a higher standard.

By allowing Ched Evans to train with the team and paving the way for him to resume his footballing career, Sheffield United are sending a message to their young supporters that rape is a forgiveable offence. It’s not. The Professional Footballer’s Association (PFA) have argued that if Evans was a builder or a banker he would be allowed to resume that type of work without any issues. The problem is builders and bankers do not have fans, particularly young impressionable ones, who come and watch them work, they don’t have kids asking for autographs and telling them they want to be “just like them” (apart from their own kids, probably.)

The other problem is Evans’ lack of remorse for his actions. He’s not sorry he did it, he’s sorry he got caught. He walks around playing the victim, telling of how his life has been ruined by this incident. If it has, it’s his own fault. He was not overtly intoxicated on the night in question, he knew what he was doing. He is NOT the victim here, the victim is the young woman he took advantage of and who was named and subject to abuse and harassment on Twitter.

I might be slightly more sympathetic to Evans if he admitted to his actions, but he still maintains his innocence and continues to try and “clear his name.” When released from jail, his first action was to issue an apology, not to his victim, but to his family and partner. If Evans would like to resume his role as a public figure and role model for children, the least he can do is acknowledge that he did something wrong and apologise to his victim. He should be donating to and working with women’s groups to educate young people and inform them that an intoxicated person cannot consent and this is rape. Instead he is refusing to even acknowledge the suffering he has cause this young woman.

While I understand that his family and partner want to stand by him and not believe the worst but he has been convicted. By posting on their website chedevans.com some of the evidence from the trial including the security footage of the young woman entering the hotel and asking you to “judge for yourself,” they are undermining the victim and the justice system. Yes, we all know that the justice system can get it wrong but showing a blurry, time-lapse video of the victim and then extrapolating that she must be able to consent because she does not fall down is beyond insulting. (The fact that 30 seconds of the video also appear to have been edited out is slightly concerning.) Whenever a woman says she is raped, there should NEVER, EVER be a reason to question that.

Just so we are very, VERY clear. Rape is rape, regardless of the circumstances. Even if a woman does seem to consent, if she’s so drunk she can barely stand then she CANNOT consent and this IS RAPE. If a woman at first consents then asks to stop mid-act but the other party continues, this is rape. If a woman says no but, in the words of Robin Thicke, “you know she wants it,” and you go for it anyway, this is rape.

Regardless of how you feel about Evans and his and Sheffield United’s reaction, it is important to remember who the victim is here, not Evans and his family, but the young woman who was raped. I’m glad I ripped up my posters.

If you would like to sign the Change petition to encourage Sheffield United not to reinstate Ched Evans, please go here.

Alternatively, if you think he should be reinstated, there’s also a petition for that here.

If you would like to know more, below are the articles I used to help me write this.

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2014/nov/11/ched-evans-to-train-with-sheffield-united-according-to-reports

http://www.insidetime.co.uk/articleview.asp?a=1878&c=the_right_to_work 

http://chedevans.com/

http://www.pinkun.com/opinion/iwan_roberts_there_is_no_way_i_d_want_to_share_a_dressing_room_with_ched_evans_1_3819337

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/ched-evans-vile-rapist-deserves-4611322 

http://www.independent.co.uk/voices/comment/its-not-enough-that-a-court-of-law-has-found-ched-evans-guilty-he-also-has-to-endure-the-court-of-public-opinion-9856318.html

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/11226209/Ched-Evans-Sorry-but-all-rapes-are-not-the-same.html

Chivalry Shouldn’t be Dead

I was reading Cosmo and I came across a short but interesting article written from a male perspective about chivalry (Cosmopolitan August 2013, pg 181.) The author, Sean Powers (@powersoz on Twitter if you’re interested) was told by his female friends that it was sexist to offer to help a woman carry her bag, to open a door for her or to pay for the bill.

I’ve had this discussion with friends before. When I was in Boston a few years ago I was quite shocked when men stood up and offered me their seat on the train. Some of my friends rolled their eyes and accused me of playing the poor damsel in distress, but I didn’t see it that way, he was just being polite. 

It’s the same with opening doors and offering to help me with my bags, I know when someone does things they’re not doing it because they think my femininity makes me incompetent but because it’s polite.

It’s the same concept as when I offer my seat on a train to an elderly person, I’m not being ageist, I’m being polite and respectful. 

However, just because I believe in chivalry does not mean I expect a man to pay for everything or to always carry my things, it’s just nice for them to offer sometimes.

What’s wrong with this video?

If you haven’t seen it, this is the original video for Robin Thicke’s single “Blurred Lines.” (Please note: this video is seriously NSFW!)

This song was bought to my attention by an article by Tricia Romano on The Daily Beast in which she describes the song “kind of rape-y.” (You can read her article here.)

The video features models running around wearing only flesh-coloured g-strings and was posted on both Vevo and YouTube (although YouTube has since pulled it and only features the censored version in which the girls wear clothing.) Although there is a small parental advisory logo in the bottom, there is nothing stopping children from accessing the video.

Then there’s the lyrics, there are no swear words, so there is nothing stopping this song from being played in full on the radio, but there is a lot of innuendo.

The chorus, for example, features the lyrics

Can’t let it get past me
You’re far from plastic
Talk about getting blasted
I hate these blurred lines
I know you want it

“I know you want it.” – Basically no means yes, a line that a fully clothed Thicke repeats into the ear of a topless, pouting model.

One website feels the song is about a “good girl” who wants crazy, wild sex but is too afraid to ask for it. (You can view Rap Genius’s translation here.)

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A screen shot of the lyrics meaning from Rap Genius.

The video opens with the topless models and somehow manages to become more depraved in the following four minutes.

Any hint of subtly goes out the window when one of the models appears dancing in front of balloons spelling out “Robin Thicke has a big dick.

Blurred Lines 01

 

This is quickly followed with one of the models having a small stop sign saying no on her backside.

Yep

And then with this scene.

Blurred Lines 03

I don’t even know what to say…

The lyrics manage to go down hill as well with T.I. rapping in the third verse

I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two.

I would just like to take this opportunity to point out that this song is currently number one in both Australia and the United States and the unrated music video is number one on iTunes (the censored version is currently sitting at two.)

iTunes music video chart in Australia

iTunes music video chart in Australia

So what does Thicke have to say about all the controversy surrounding this song?

In a recent interview with GQ magazine Thicke was quoted as saying:

People say, “Hey, do you think this is degrading to women?” I’m like, “Of course it is. What a pleasure it is to degrade a woman. I’ve never gotten to do that before. I’ve always respected women.”

Just because you generally respect women and you’re all happily married, does not mean you can trivialise rape.

 

On the Menu – Sexism

The Prime Minister of Australia is an unmarried, Atheist woman so you would think that this would be a pretty progressive country. This week our opposition party (called the Liberal party despite the fact they are conservative) proved we still have a long way to go.

A menu from a fundraiser for a Liberal candidate in Queensland, Mal Brough has surfaced revealing the sexist undertones that still exist in Australian politics.

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The offending “dish” is the “Julia Gillard Kentucky Fried Quail – Small breasts, huge thighs and a big red box.”

As you can see, other Labor members are made fun of on here (Rudd’s A Goose Foie Gras is a reference to former PM Kevin Rudd) but it’s the way Gillard has been described literally as a piece of meat. It is disgusting to speak about any woman this way but when it’s the Prime Minister it’s a new low.

You would never see a male politician described this way. I understand they don’t have breasts but there are other parts of the male anatomy that can be the butt of jokes.

Our opposition members sit there and accuse Gillard of playing the gender card, but when this is what she’s up against, what choice does she have?

 

 

 

This does not make me want to buy a Ford

So this is the current ad for the Ford Fiesta in Australia and it really irritates me.

1. “I wanted to drive in my hot heeled wedges…” – they are either wedges or heels. You cannot have both! And from the look of them they are heels!

2. “I’ve driven in them before…” – I really hope you haven’t. It is very dangerous to drive in heels because they can cause you to put more pressure on the pedals.

3. “So I put my pink runners on my right foot…” Those runners appear to be black…unless you’re a whole new level of colour blind not yet known to man you obviously have never learnt your colours… Also obviously you have an auto because if you had a manual you would have to put your shoes on both feet.

4. “I had to stop to get petrol so I had to swap over really quickly” – if you knew you had to get petrol why didn’t you just put both your runners on in the first place!?!

5. “So it’s really good I have the shoe compartment…” Oh I have one of those in my car too. It’s called the floor and it’s actually more efficient than your shoe compartment because my shoes are within reach and I can put them on without getting out of the car.

I don’t know who Ford are trying to target with this ad but it sure as hell isn’t me. 

The Reasons I Hate ‘Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old’

While looking into feminism blogs I stumbled across this little gem;
The Reasons Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old

I was so disgusted by this article that, after having a little rant on Facebook, I decided to annotate it and then post it on here. I’ve decided to keep all the lovely photos the original author chose because I feel they really show his male chauvinism, especially the ones that seem to have nothing to do with the point (what is with that baggage photo?!) My annotations will be without italics (in case you couldn’t tell!)

The Reasons Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old

SEX • EDDIE CUFFIN • MAY 21, 10:51AM

As life goes on, most men get to that particular age when they decide that they should settle down and have a family. Now, in order to do so, a man must reach a point where he is financially stable and can afford to raise a family. After his affairs are in order, he must then decide  on whom he should marry, and by this age, he should know what he wants. And we hope at this point that his years have brought him wisdom.

 

If this describes you, we’re here to help push you in the right direction. Your life travels and experiences throughout the years have brought you a wealth of knowledge and understanding of the world. You are at a pivotal point in your life and you need to make the right decision when it comes to whom you should marry.

 

Do you want to spend your life with an old washed-up hag who has been through the works or do you want a younger, faster model that you can help mold into the perfect woman?

 

 

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A woman who is older already has her ideals set and has made up her mind about what she will and won’t do. The older she gets, the less likely she is to change. Younger women are more willing to compromise. It’s much easier to mold a 19 year old into the perfect woman for you. This is not saying that she will not be able to make her own decisions and has to succumb to everything you say.

 

This simply means that since she is impressionable and she can learn what you like in order to understand you better. In the long run this will also help you build more of an appreciation of her and the things she does for you.

 

This is assuming that 19-year-old women are idiots who cannot make their own decisions. Trust me, by 19 I was not doing whatever a man said, I was a teenager for god’s sake! What teenager does what they’re told? And if a person kept trying to tell me what to do I would sometimes do the opposite just to spite them.

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When she is officially of drinking age, there is a high chance that she will go out and get into trouble. Who knows what a woman will do with a few drinks in her and a bunch of thirsty men on the prowl — no one wants to marry a Lindsay Lohan. If you pick her up when she is 19, you can prevent such a lifestyle by getting her at the ripe age. You will be her protector from all the temptations out there and you will make it your duty to keep her on the path to staying good and pure.

 

First, I am in Australia where the legal drinking age is 18 – so for me, this null and void. Second, do you know anyone who didn’t drink before it was legal?
Third, this article is supposed to be for men looking for a wife – not a daughter. Do not act like my Dad!

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Even though the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, not all women come equipped with the ability to cook. Now we are not asking for crème brûlée, but simple dishes that can be made would easily will suffice. The older a woman is who cannot cook, the less likely it is that she will learn to.

 

At 19 the fact that she cannot cook is still adorable — if she is willing to learn, and teaching her how to make simple dishes will be a breeze. There is nothing wrong with having her learn to make dishes that you both like. This way it actually benefits both of you.

 

Again, I have numerous problems with this point;
1. Just because she is a woman, does not mean she should be able to cook. Case in point; me. I am 24 and I cannot cook for the life of me.
2. Do not call my lack of cooking skills “adorable” or I will punch you.
3. I will not learn to cook things I won’t eat e.g. I am a vegetarian, so if you want meat – cook it yourself!

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There is nothing better than a brand new computer model that hasn’t gotten a chance to be corrupted by the world of viruses and trojans around it. As a 19 year old, she hasn’t really gotten the chance to go through much. The older women get, the more baggage they acquire throughout their life journey.

An older woman may have tons of baggage with her and it can make the experience quite annoying. A 19 year old has not, generally, been scarred by the world and hasn’t had the chance to collect much baggage over the years — so she travels light.

 

Sigh, everyone has baggage. That’s why there’s even an imaginary show called Baggage. Even at 19 you can still have baggage.
Also, as a computer nerd, I feel the need to point out that as long as you protect your computer with an antivirus and fire wall it won’t be corrupted by viruses. If you’re nice and NOT an arsehole to your partner – they have one less piece of baggage to worry about. 

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The older they get, the more they want, and the more they get — the harder it is to please them. The young ones are easily impressed because they haven’t seen much. Therefore you no longer have to waste money on expensive dinners and the finest clothes. There is nothing wrong with doing so, but just know that getting a 19 your old is like getting an upgrade, but paying half as much.

 

It’s like doubling the horse power on your car, at a bargain. You can pamper your 19 year old, but because of her age, she is easily fascinated and it does not require much economic strain on your wallet.

 

There are so many problems with this I don’t know where to begin.
First 19 year-old women can still be quite brand aware, e.g. I decided I want a Cartier diamond engagement ring at age 16.
Second, we are not stupid.
Third, stop assuming women only care about money.
Fourth, I am not a fucking car!

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At this point in your life, you have traveled the globe and experienced the finer things in life. Now you have become wise and thought about settling down. What better way to settle than with someone who thinks everything you say is absolutely brilliant. There’s nothing like having someone reassure your brilliance. We are not to say that 19 year olds do not have the capacity to be intelligent or carry on a conversation, it’s just that the experiences you gained from your world travels will be sure to impress her.

 

Trust me, if you’re taking advice from this article, NO ONE thinks you’re smart!

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Being financially stable is a crucial factor in any relationship. It allows the relationship to grow and manifest into something more. Each woman has a ideal number as to what is financially stable to them. You best believe that the older they get, the more they want to be pampered. All this means is that your measly 9 to 5 salary is not going to cut it. On the other hand, the younger they are, the less you have to spend. In essence, you can get away with convincing your 19 year old that 50K is financially stable.

 

Again, you’re assuming all women only care about money. This is also assuming that the women wouldn’t want to work and contribute. What if I’m a 19 year old entrepreneur who already earns more than you? 

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Everything in this world breaks down and needs to be maintained. Women are no exception. It makes more sense to invest in your wife’s education and future rather than her body. Now there is nothing wrong with throwing some Ds on the chick, but constant Botox and retail therapy sessions could get quite expensive.

 

Invest in something that is going to make more sense for you in the future. There should be no need to constantly buy parts for that old wife of yours when you can use that same amount of money to educate the young one and make an actual alpha female, who will actually sound intelligent when you bring her to events.

 

Dear Eddie, this point has confirmed for me that if I ever meet you I am going to punch you in the face and then probably kick you in the balls just for good measure. Once again, women are not cars, you do not buy “parts” for them.
Do not offer to pay for a woman to get her boobs done. EVER! I cannot even begin to tell you how insulting that is. If you’re lucky enough to find a girl who will share her body with you and you insult her boobs you do NOT deserve her!
Trust me, if you start saying this shit at a party, it’s not going to be your girlfriend who looks stupid.

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While a 30-year-old woman is experienced and knows all the tricks of the trade, it could get quite tiresome putting in all that work, all the time. You just want to get yours and sometimes going younger is the best solution. Why not have someone who is fresh and is actually infatuated easily by your skills. A good flick of the clit and a pump of the lips should be enough to send her to the moon.

 

Don’t know if you’ve realised this but 19-year-olds have a lot of energy. Why would a girl want your 15 minutes (if that) when she can have longer with someone her own age who has more stamina. By your logic a 19-year-old man would be easier to “train” when a 30-year-old man might already think he knows what he’s doing and might not be willing to learn.

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These are the three best qualities in a young girl and one of the major factors one should keep in mind when considering marrying a 19-year-old girl. Unlike wine, a woman does not get better with age. She simply gets looser, her skin starts to wrinkle and her skills in bed begin to decrease as well. This should not even be a question, it’s like going with the old worn out Honda Civic or a new Ferrari Laferrari.

 

That’s your summary, here’s mine;
YOU’RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!

Now meet the lovely sensitive author, Eddie:

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My biggest problem with this guy? He is clearly trying to channel Robert Pattinson (see gratuitous pictures courtesy of GQ below) who is my future husband and the love of my life and future husband would never say such things. 

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