The thing about bisexuality

While flicking through Andrew Sullivan’s blog ‘The Dish‘ the other day I came across an article under the heading ‘Keeper Archives’ titled ‘What’s A Bisexual Anyway?‘ Being someone who generally identifies as bisexual I was rather intrigued. The article is a collection of comments on a previous article Sullivan had written about a Pew Research poll that showed 40% of the LGBT population identified as bisexual, which he felt was unusually high. What is also interesting is, according to the poll, only 28 per cent of bisexuals have ‘come out’ in comparison to over 70 per cent of gays and lesbians.

Sullivan’s question was; is there a hidden gay population that doesn’t interact with the rest of the gay and lesbian community?

The responses were overwhelming, with many questioning what it is to be bisexual and why so many are still in the closet.

The Merriam Webster definition of bisexual is;

of, relating to, or characterized by a tendency to direct sexual desire toward both sexes

This is also the definition I use. Bisexuality is not about whether you’ve experimented with a person of the same sex and enjoyed it, it’s when you’re physically attracted to someone of the same sex.

Some people have questioned whether bisexuality actually exists. As Dan Savage has pointed out in his response to being called biphobic, the reason he has questioned the existence of bisexuality is because many homosexuals use it as a stepping stone to coming out. Celebrities such as Elton John and Freddie Mercury have first referred to themselves as bisexual before entering into same sex relationships.

The problem with bisexuality is that, at the end of the day if you fall in love and enter a monogamous relationship with someone it will be either a hetrosexual or homosexual relationship. Although bisexuals do exist, bisexual relationships do not and that is the downfall of bisexuality. Anna Paquin and Evan Rachel Wood have both come out as bisexual and have married men, which has led to their sexuality being questioned, with one person asking Evan Rachel Wood after her marriage to Jaime Bell, “Honestly not trying to be an ass. Just trying to understand. Does this mean you are not bi anymore? How does that work?” To which Wood repliedĀ “No, it just means I am not single anymore. ;)”

One father whose daughter is bisexual felt that his daughter was ostracised by both the straight and gay communities. He suspected the gay community felt threatened by bisexuals because they contradict the theory that homosexuality is not a choice because they can choose, but this is not true. In fact this is not true for anyone bisexual, gay or straight. We don’t choose who we fall in love with or who we’re attracted to, that’s why we fall for people we know we shouldn’t. That’s why sometimes we just can’t love that person who seems perfect.

My sexuality has been questioned many times with people asking why I call myself bisexual when I was in a nearly 7 year relationship with a man. When I told another friend her response was, “but you’ll probably end up married to man so it doesn’t really matter.”

That’s why I felt the need to write this. It does matter. My sexuality is a big part of who I am and no matter who I end up marrying it will always be part of who I am.

There’s no logic in love nor is there choice but there should always be acceptance.