Sex Education

I’ve just returned to university to do my Masters in IT and during my orientation I learnt several things. While most of them were relevant to the course and university there were two other things that stood out.

First, next to the IT office is the student office where you can get free condoms (because of course it’s the IT students who are going to need condoms.)

The second was along with condoms, you can also get dental dams.

For those of you who don’t know what a dental dam is, it’s a little square of latex that dentists use to isolate the tooth they’re treating. 

Now, if you’re like me, you’re probably wondering why these are supplied with condoms. Basically they’re for use when performing oral sex on a woman. (If you want more detail, Glyde, who make dental dams have also produced this pamphlet.)

I am 24 and I learnt this two weeks ago, which leads me to ask two questions;

1. Why did I not know this?
2. Who’s responsibility was it to teach me?

These are two questions that should probably be looked at together. 

Simply put, I didn’t know because no one told me and when I think about it, I don’t know whose job it was to teach me.

I went to a public school and we did have sex education as part of science in year 7 but it wasn’t really about sex it was more about the reproductive process. We didn’t cover condoms at all.

There was more comprehensive sex education taught in year 10 where I know they were taught how to use condoms but it was taught in health which was an elective. I didn’t do this class because I chose what I considered to be more “fun” electives (i.e. drama/art classes) and I’m not sure what percentage of kids in my year level would have taken it.

Next, there’s my parents who have never really given me “the talk.” I think Mum probably tried and I just put my hand over my ears and told her we had covered it in school.

Seeing as most of my peers were at school with me, I doubt they were taught this either. The ones I have spoken to recently have confirmed that they have never heard of using dental dams as protection.

Then there was that whole Michael Douglas “oral sex gave me throat cancer” thing a few months ago which would have been the perfect opportunity to bring this up. Yet despite the fact Cosmo Australia had a whole article on HPV in their August issue, the use of dental dams was not mentioned. In fact, although they confirmed that you can give your partner HPV through oral sex, their conclusion was;

“We can go forth and enjoy sexy times, so long as we’re being safe and keeping up with our regular Pap smears.”

That’s it. No mention of what “safe” involves. Just keep having checks. 

Thanks to Girls (ah Lena Dunham, is there anything you CAN’T do!) I know that men can’t get tested for HPV and that also once you have it there’s not a definitive cure for it. You can treat certain symptoms depending on the strain, but you can’t get rid of it completely. So isn’t more important to teach prevention?

Cosmo magazine and its younger sisters Dolly and Girlfriend always go on about condoms, condoms, condoms and using them when performing oral sex on men, which is fair enough, they’re important but if dental dams can prevent HPV aren’t they important too?

Even the Australian Government’s Health Department’s HPV page doesn’t cover it. It’s only about the vaccine. 

Neither does bioCSL’s site http://www.hpv.com.au/.

So maybe I’m not the only one that doesn’t know, but this is something that clearly needs to be taught.

Surely the fact, that at age 24, I only just discovered this is proof we need better sex education programs in our schools and in the community in general.

 

 

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Why does this exist #1 – Porn Parodies

So I have realised during a lot of my rants that I often use the line, “why does this exist?” This of course, gave me a brilliant idea, make it a segment on my blog and I thought I would start off with something fun – PORN PARODIES.

When I heard that there was going to be a porn parody of “Girls” (aka the greatest show on the planet!) my first question was WHY!?! This led to me posting the following on Facebook:

The fact there is a porn parody of Girls depresses me. I also don’t know why there needs to be one… isn’t there enough sex in Girls already? It’s like making a porn version of True Blood…oh there is one of those…What’s next, a porn version of 30 rock? There’s one of those too!? That’s it, I give up!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate all porn parodies, I think some of them are probably quite funny (I haven’t really watched any so I wouldn’t know) but below are five I think the world could have done without.

1. Girls

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The original HBO Girls

There are several things wrong with creating a Girls porn parody. One of my biggest arguments against it is that the show already has a lot of graphic sex scenes in it, as for the other ones, I think the show’s creator Lena Dunham said it best on Twitter.

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The parody, which is very creatively titled “This Ain’t Girls XXX,” is produced by Hustler and while, according to star Richie Calhoun, it tries to capture the show’s weirdness it does seem to stray from the original. Hannah apparently gives up on men and turns to lesbianism for a while only to return to Adam who makes her “crawl” back to his bed.

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Girls the XXX Parody.

2. The Simpsons

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The Simpsons as we know and love them.

Arguably one of the most beloved cartoons on television, The Simpsons is not even safe from porn parodies.

Also produced by Hustler and titled “The Simpsons – The XXX Parody” (you would really think that Hustler would pay someone to think up better titles) is Homer and Marge’s sex tape…oh and it’s live action. NOT CARTOON! But don’t worry, they’re still yellow. Yep. Not kidding.

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The live-action porn version.

3. Spongebob Squarepants

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Cute kids cartoon Spongebob

Renamed SpongeKnob Squarenuts. Yet another live-action version of a cartoon…except this time it’s a children’s cartoon…oh and it’s about a sponge whose friends with a starfish, a squirrel and a squid. So how could they possibly pull this off?

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The parody no one asked for…

With a LOT of bad costumes, that’s how!

And if you were wondering about the storyline… apparently Spongebob SpongeKnob realises he’s the only sponge and therefore needs to procreate with the only female he knows…who happens to be a squirrel…well it was never going to make sense…

4. Glee

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The original cast of Glee

Yet another kids show turned into porn. Meet This Ain’t Glee the XXX Parody (yes Hustler again…anyone else beginning to notice a theme here?) This wasn’t one of those parodies I immediately objected to, it was only when I read about a certain scene in it.

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The Glee porn parody cast featuring all the girls’ bras because…well…why not?

In one of the scenes Tina (one of the glee kids) goes into the bathroom after being “slushied” (if you’ve seen the show you’ll know what this means) to clean up (which of course in a porno involves taking her clothes off…) and is followed by cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester who basically sneaks up behind Tina, places her hand on a strap on she’s wearing and promises to leave the glee club alone if Tina plays along. This is just waaaaay to creepy. I’m not creeped out by lesbianism (I am bisexual after all) but by the fact that there’s a teacher wandering around the school wearing a strap-on under her clothes!

Also did I mention they sing parody songs with more sexual lyrics, for example Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls becomes Big Tushy Ho’s, which, come to think of it, is actually more disturbing than the thought of a teacher walking around wearing a strap on.

5. World of Warcraft

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World of Warcraft which features many weird and wonderful creatures.

World of Warcraft (or WOW as it is known to nerds around the world) is a fantasy online role-playing game that now has it’s own porn parody series Whorecraft or WhoreLore as it’s now known. Yes, you read that right, a SERIES. Again this is live action featuring a lot of strange costumes and make up (think green women and elf ears.) Unlike the others in this list though, WhoreLore seems to have quite a large budget but still…really?!

(I couldn’t find a SFW image for this one.)