Literally I Can’t Believe this Song Exists

Could this be 2014’s answer to last year’s rape anthem “blurred lines?” I think so…I think the record company has come to learn that too because this message now pops up at the start of the song:

This message pops up when the video starts

This message pops up when the video starts

“The following is a satirical video based on Sororities/Fraternities and the cliche “Literally I Can’t”.

This content is in no way to be interpreted as misogynistic or negative towards any groups of people. It is an art piece and it shall be taken as such.”

The whole song is basically telling girls to “shut the fuck up” and now the disclaimer is saying this shall be taken as an art piece. I can’t help but feel that should say should be taken as such…but I’m female so they have the right to tell me what to do. We also clearly have very different ideas about what constitutes “art.” I would call this trash but, once again, female, therefore I should just shut up.

If I hear any little girls singing this (and I’m sure I will), I will die a little inside.

Here’s the lovely video:

And the lyrics (taken from http://artists.letssingit.com/play-n-skillz-lyrics-literally-i-cant-feat-enertia-mcfly-lil-jon-and-redfoo-f4gg5d9#axzz3JEEVkt5o):

[Intro: Lil Jon]
Hey!!! (HEY!)
Ladies and gentlemen, (YEAH!)
It’s time to party! (PARTY!)
So that means (WHAT?)
While I’m at my mother fucking table (UH HUH)
And I’m trying to dance (UH HUH)
Don’t fucking talk to me! (LET’S GO!)

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party? (PARTY, PARTY, PARTY)
I can’t
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t
(LET’S GO!)
Wanna dance?
I can’t
Where your friends?
I can’t
Girl on girl?
I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
OMG, STFU!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Redfoo!!!!! (OH! LET’S ROCK!)

[Verse 1: Redfoo]
Yo! We in the club
We bottle poppin’
We sippin’ that bubbly
We-we-we Party Rockin’
You got a big ol’ butt
I can tell by the way you’re walkin’
But you annoying me ’cause you’re talkin’ (STFU!)
Bounce on the pogo
Jump on the jack hammer
Get low, low, low
While I Instagram ya
Shhh, don’t talk about it, be about it
Work it and twerk it, and maybe I’ll tweet about it
They’ll read about it
And you could be winnin’
I said jump on the poll
I didn’t mean your opinion
Gurrrrl I’m sippin’ on this drink
I’m tryna see what you got
Not tryna hear what you think

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party?
I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
OMG, STFU
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[Verse 2 Enertia McFly]
Look… I’m tryna get your fine ass on the dance flo
Girl I wanna see you get low
Go ahead and bring it up slow
You’re booty in my hand is my new motto
Got the face of a model
Put your lips on my bottle
Let me see you take it to the head
Girl I know that you can
I don’t wanna hear no
Girl have you heard of my new super friends?
Play-N-Skillz, Redfoo and Lil Jon they comin’ in
And turn the party to a crazy mad house
Going all night until I just black out
After I do all that we can make out
Girl you know what Enertia all about

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party?
I can’t
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t
(LET’S GO!)
Wanna dance?
I can’t
Where your friends?
I can’t
Girl on girl?
I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
OMG, STFU!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

You can judge for yourselves.

Chivalry Shouldn’t be Dead

I was reading Cosmo and I came across a short but interesting article written from a male perspective about chivalry (Cosmopolitan August 2013, pg 181.) The author, Sean Powers (@powersoz on Twitter if you’re interested) was told by his female friends that it was sexist to offer to help a woman carry her bag, to open a door for her or to pay for the bill.

I’ve had this discussion with friends before. When I was in Boston a few years ago I was quite shocked when men stood up and offered me their seat on the train. Some of my friends rolled their eyes and accused me of playing the poor damsel in distress, but I didn’t see it that way, he was just being polite. 

It’s the same with opening doors and offering to help me with my bags, I know when someone does things they’re not doing it because they think my femininity makes me incompetent but because it’s polite.

It’s the same concept as when I offer my seat on a train to an elderly person, I’m not being ageist, I’m being polite and respectful. 

However, just because I believe in chivalry does not mean I expect a man to pay for everything or to always carry my things, it’s just nice for them to offer sometimes.

Feminism vs Pornography

(Or why feminists need to stop worrying and learn to accept the adult industry.)

We’ve come a long way since the “sexual revolution” of the 1960’s and it was only a matter of time before the evolution of female sexuality led to the creation of pornography made with female viewers in mind. This type of pornography is often referred to as “female friendly” or feminist porn. But can any type of pornography truly be feminist? Many feminists see any form of pornography as the epitome of misogyny due to objectification of women it presents. They assume that the women depicted in the films are failed actresses who are only doing it for the money, but what if they want to do it? (*GASP*) What if they enjoy it or find it empowering? (*Double gasp*) How can feminists hate a life a woman has chose? Especially when it’s in one of the very few industries where women consistently earn more than men?

There are many conflicting ideas about what constitutes feminist pornography, feminist pornographer Tristan Taormino describes her version as pornography made “under fair, ethical working conditions…that does not demean women or men.”[1] To be eligible for a Feminist Porn Award the production must meet at least one of the following three criteria;

  1. Women and/or traditionally marginalized people were involved in the direction, production and/or conception of the work.

  2. The work depicts genuine pleasure, agency and desire for all performers, especially women and traditionally marginalized people.

  3. The work expands the boundaries of sexual representation on film, challenges stereotypes and presents a vision that sets the content apart from most mainstream pornography.  This may include depicting a diversity of desires, types of people, bodies, sexual practices, and/or an anti-racist or anti-oppression framework throughout the production.[2]

For me any pornography that is fully consensual can be feminist.

However many women feel they can’t watch mainstream pornography because it makes them feel “alienated.” [3] Majority of the female stars are what we imagine to be the stereotypical  porn star – young, long blonde hair, thin but with large breasts and mainly white.[4]  They wear make-up that looks like it’s been applied by trowel and teeter around precariously in ridiculously high heels and ridiculously short skirts. They are coy yet overtly sexual at the same time, giving an innocent doe-eyed look through a thick set of false lashes before engaging sexual activity. The slightest touch cause them to writhe and scream out in pleasure. Feminist porn tries to break down these stereotypes by employing women who “look like the average woman walking down the street”[5] and portraying sex that is “authentic.”[6]

Many feminists will argue that any porn, regardless of consent, production and pleasure is misogynist. Anti-porn activist Gail Dines argues that “anyone willing to feed off women’s bodies and use them as raw materials to make a profit has no right to call themselves feminists.”[7] This includes women involved in any part of the production of pornography. But if we were to follow that logic, pornography is basically misanthropic because human beings of both genders are being used as props to make money.

My main issue is how can feminists be so staunchly against the one of the very few industries where women consistently earn more than men? The gender pay gap in Australia across all industries currently stands at 17.5 per cent. For every one dollar a man earns, women are earning 82.3 cents.[8] In the United States it’s even worse with women only earning 77 cents for every dollar a man earns in 2011.[9] Of the top 20 highest earning porn stars an incredible 75 per cent are women.[10] Compare this to the 20 richest bankers, where all are white men.[11] Porn star and one of the only five men in the 20 richest porn stars list, Ron Jeremy estimates that men will earn around $300 per scene and make an average of $40 000 a year in the porn business whereas women will earn $500 to $1500 per scene and can earn anywhere from $100 000 to $250 000 per year.[12]

If you’re like me, you probably assumed that most women in pornography were naive, failed actresses who have hit rock bottom and would do anything to make a living. While this was true back in the 1970’s when Linda Boreman (better known as Linda Lovelace) was forced to perform in Deep Throat at gunpoint by her husband  Chuck Traynor[13], many women today actually choose a career in the adult industry. Current contract star for Digital Playground, Kayden Kross told documentary film maker Deborah Anderson;

“I didn’t get into [porn] because I was desperate. I got into it because I was bored. I had an education, and nothing else appealed to me like this. I’m not going to lie or be ashamed. I like the money. I like perks. I like … sex! I was always a very sexual person, and this offered me an opportunity to make a pretty good living using that. What I wanted to do far outweighed any worries I might have had about what people thought.”[14]

Fellow Digital Playground contract girl Stoya is a regular contributor for Vice where she offers her thoughts on the industry. She says that the adult industry offers you a choice of what roles you want to do and no one can force you to do a scene you’re not comfortable with.[15]

Most of the feminist stances against pornography can be described as anti-feminist themselves. Shouldn’t the basis of feminism be choice? Women have the choice to work in whatever industry appeals to them and they shouldn’t be judged for those choices by other women. We assume these women are unintelligent and victims of society but they’re not and it’s unfair to stereotype them that way. They have more of a choice over their work lives than most of us. It takes a lot of confidence to do what they do, how many of us would be willing to strip down to nothing day in and day out? As Madeline Albright, the first female Secretary of State said, “There is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women,” and it shouldn’t matter if we approve of their profession or not.


[1] Tristan Taormino, “What is Feminist Porn?” http://puckerup.com/feminist-porn/what-is-fp/, accessed 29th June 2013.

[2] Good for Her, “Feminist Porn Awards,” http://goodforher.com/feminist_porn_awards, accessed 29th June 2013.

[3] Dylan Ryan, “How I Became a Feminist Porn Star,” on Jezebel, http://jezebel.com/5984021/how-i-became-a-feminist-porn-star, 23rd February 2013, accessed 29th June 2013.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Maura Kelly, “Can Porn be Feminist?” on The Daily Beast, http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/04/21/can-porn-be-feminist.html, 21st April 2012, accessed 28th June 2013.

[6] Ryan, “How I Became a Feminist Porn Star,” http://jezebel.com/5984021/how-i-became-a-feminist-porn-star

[8] Rosie Squires, “Ditch the Pay Gap,” in Cleo July 2013, pg 55.

[9] Mike Burns and Olivia Willis, “As Equal Pay Act Turns 50 Conservative Media Continue Crusade Against Closing Gender Wage Gap,” on Media Matters, http://mediamatters.org/research/2013/06/10/as-equal-pay-act-turns-50-conservative-media-co/194405, 10th June 2013, accessed 30th June 2013.

[10] Brian Warner, “20 Richest Porn Stars,” on Celebrity Net Worth, http://www.celebritynetworth.com/articles/entertainment-articles/20-richest-porn-stars/, 1st February 2013, accessed 28th June 2013

[11] Lisa Du, “The 22 Richest Bankers in the World,” on Business Insider Australia, http://au.businessinsider.com/the-richest-bankers-in-the-world-2012-3?op=1#alfredo-harp-helu-and-family-1, 13th March 2012, accessed 30th June 2013.

[12] Hariharan, “20 Most Richest Porn Stars on Earth,” on World of Female, http://www.worldoffemale.com/20-most-richest-porn-stars-on-earth-sfw/, 8th June 2013, accessed 30th June 2013.

[13] Tom Leonard, “Abused by the porn industry AND her feminist saviours: How Deep Throat star Linda Lovelace’s tragic life was a very modern morality tale,” on The Daily Mail, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2120823/How-Deep-Throat-star-Linda-Lovelaces-tragic-life-modern-morality-tale.html, 26th March 2012, accessed 1st July 2013.

[14] Mike Hammer, “Deborah Anderson’s book and film ‘Aroused’ looks at the people behind the porn industry,” on New York Daily News, http://www.nydailynews.com/life-style/update-nudes-aroused-eyes-porn-stars-article-1.1333286?localLinksEnabled=false, 3rd May 2013, accessed 29th June 2013.

[15] Stoya, “So You Want to Perform in Porn,” on Vice, http://www.vice.com/read/so-you-want-to-perform-in-porn, 8th June 2013, accessed 28th June 2013.

The Reasons I Hate ‘Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old’

While looking into feminism blogs I stumbled across this little gem;
The Reasons Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old

I was so disgusted by this article that, after having a little rant on Facebook, I decided to annotate it and then post it on here. I’ve decided to keep all the lovely photos the original author chose because I feel they really show his male chauvinism, especially the ones that seem to have nothing to do with the point (what is with that baggage photo?!) My annotations will be without italics (in case you couldn’t tell!)

The Reasons Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old

SEX • EDDIE CUFFIN • MAY 21, 10:51AM

As life goes on, most men get to that particular age when they decide that they should settle down and have a family. Now, in order to do so, a man must reach a point where he is financially stable and can afford to raise a family. After his affairs are in order, he must then decide  on whom he should marry, and by this age, he should know what he wants. And we hope at this point that his years have brought him wisdom.

 

If this describes you, we’re here to help push you in the right direction. Your life travels and experiences throughout the years have brought you a wealth of knowledge and understanding of the world. You are at a pivotal point in your life and you need to make the right decision when it comes to whom you should marry.

 

Do you want to spend your life with an old washed-up hag who has been through the works or do you want a younger, faster model that you can help mold into the perfect woman?

 

 

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A woman who is older already has her ideals set and has made up her mind about what she will and won’t do. The older she gets, the less likely she is to change. Younger women are more willing to compromise. It’s much easier to mold a 19 year old into the perfect woman for you. This is not saying that she will not be able to make her own decisions and has to succumb to everything you say.

 

This simply means that since she is impressionable and she can learn what you like in order to understand you better. In the long run this will also help you build more of an appreciation of her and the things she does for you.

 

This is assuming that 19-year-old women are idiots who cannot make their own decisions. Trust me, by 19 I was not doing whatever a man said, I was a teenager for god’s sake! What teenager does what they’re told? And if a person kept trying to tell me what to do I would sometimes do the opposite just to spite them.

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When she is officially of drinking age, there is a high chance that she will go out and get into trouble. Who knows what a woman will do with a few drinks in her and a bunch of thirsty men on the prowl — no one wants to marry a Lindsay Lohan. If you pick her up when she is 19, you can prevent such a lifestyle by getting her at the ripe age. You will be her protector from all the temptations out there and you will make it your duty to keep her on the path to staying good and pure.

 

First, I am in Australia where the legal drinking age is 18 – so for me, this null and void. Second, do you know anyone who didn’t drink before it was legal?
Third, this article is supposed to be for men looking for a wife – not a daughter. Do not act like my Dad!

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Even though the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, not all women come equipped with the ability to cook. Now we are not asking for crème brûlée, but simple dishes that can be made would easily will suffice. The older a woman is who cannot cook, the less likely it is that she will learn to.

 

At 19 the fact that she cannot cook is still adorable — if she is willing to learn, and teaching her how to make simple dishes will be a breeze. There is nothing wrong with having her learn to make dishes that you both like. This way it actually benefits both of you.

 

Again, I have numerous problems with this point;
1. Just because she is a woman, does not mean she should be able to cook. Case in point; me. I am 24 and I cannot cook for the life of me.
2. Do not call my lack of cooking skills “adorable” or I will punch you.
3. I will not learn to cook things I won’t eat e.g. I am a vegetarian, so if you want meat – cook it yourself!

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There is nothing better than a brand new computer model that hasn’t gotten a chance to be corrupted by the world of viruses and trojans around it. As a 19 year old, she hasn’t really gotten the chance to go through much. The older women get, the more baggage they acquire throughout their life journey.

An older woman may have tons of baggage with her and it can make the experience quite annoying. A 19 year old has not, generally, been scarred by the world and hasn’t had the chance to collect much baggage over the years — so she travels light.

 

Sigh, everyone has baggage. That’s why there’s even an imaginary show called Baggage. Even at 19 you can still have baggage.
Also, as a computer nerd, I feel the need to point out that as long as you protect your computer with an antivirus and fire wall it won’t be corrupted by viruses. If you’re nice and NOT an arsehole to your partner – they have one less piece of baggage to worry about. 

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The older they get, the more they want, and the more they get — the harder it is to please them. The young ones are easily impressed because they haven’t seen much. Therefore you no longer have to waste money on expensive dinners and the finest clothes. There is nothing wrong with doing so, but just know that getting a 19 your old is like getting an upgrade, but paying half as much.

 

It’s like doubling the horse power on your car, at a bargain. You can pamper your 19 year old, but because of her age, she is easily fascinated and it does not require much economic strain on your wallet.

 

There are so many problems with this I don’t know where to begin.
First 19 year-old women can still be quite brand aware, e.g. I decided I want a Cartier diamond engagement ring at age 16.
Second, we are not stupid.
Third, stop assuming women only care about money.
Fourth, I am not a fucking car!

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At this point in your life, you have traveled the globe and experienced the finer things in life. Now you have become wise and thought about settling down. What better way to settle than with someone who thinks everything you say is absolutely brilliant. There’s nothing like having someone reassure your brilliance. We are not to say that 19 year olds do not have the capacity to be intelligent or carry on a conversation, it’s just that the experiences you gained from your world travels will be sure to impress her.

 

Trust me, if you’re taking advice from this article, NO ONE thinks you’re smart!

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Being financially stable is a crucial factor in any relationship. It allows the relationship to grow and manifest into something more. Each woman has a ideal number as to what is financially stable to them. You best believe that the older they get, the more they want to be pampered. All this means is that your measly 9 to 5 salary is not going to cut it. On the other hand, the younger they are, the less you have to spend. In essence, you can get away with convincing your 19 year old that 50K is financially stable.

 

Again, you’re assuming all women only care about money. This is also assuming that the women wouldn’t want to work and contribute. What if I’m a 19 year old entrepreneur who already earns more than you? 

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Everything in this world breaks down and needs to be maintained. Women are no exception. It makes more sense to invest in your wife’s education and future rather than her body. Now there is nothing wrong with throwing some Ds on the chick, but constant Botox and retail therapy sessions could get quite expensive.

 

Invest in something that is going to make more sense for you in the future. There should be no need to constantly buy parts for that old wife of yours when you can use that same amount of money to educate the young one and make an actual alpha female, who will actually sound intelligent when you bring her to events.

 

Dear Eddie, this point has confirmed for me that if I ever meet you I am going to punch you in the face and then probably kick you in the balls just for good measure. Once again, women are not cars, you do not buy “parts” for them.
Do not offer to pay for a woman to get her boobs done. EVER! I cannot even begin to tell you how insulting that is. If you’re lucky enough to find a girl who will share her body with you and you insult her boobs you do NOT deserve her!
Trust me, if you start saying this shit at a party, it’s not going to be your girlfriend who looks stupid.

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While a 30-year-old woman is experienced and knows all the tricks of the trade, it could get quite tiresome putting in all that work, all the time. You just want to get yours and sometimes going younger is the best solution. Why not have someone who is fresh and is actually infatuated easily by your skills. A good flick of the clit and a pump of the lips should be enough to send her to the moon.

 

Don’t know if you’ve realised this but 19-year-olds have a lot of energy. Why would a girl want your 15 minutes (if that) when she can have longer with someone her own age who has more stamina. By your logic a 19-year-old man would be easier to “train” when a 30-year-old man might already think he knows what he’s doing and might not be willing to learn.

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These are the three best qualities in a young girl and one of the major factors one should keep in mind when considering marrying a 19-year-old girl. Unlike wine, a woman does not get better with age. She simply gets looser, her skin starts to wrinkle and her skills in bed begin to decrease as well. This should not even be a question, it’s like going with the old worn out Honda Civic or a new Ferrari Laferrari.

 

That’s your summary, here’s mine;
YOU’RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!

Now meet the lovely sensitive author, Eddie:

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My biggest problem with this guy? He is clearly trying to channel Robert Pattinson (see gratuitous pictures courtesy of GQ below) who is my future husband and the love of my life and future husband would never say such things. 

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Feminism is not a dirty word

Be honest, when you hear the word “feminism,” what images spring to mind? Let me guess, “butch” lesbian women with hairy legs and an outspoken hatred of men? Germaine Greer?

When you think of feminism you might see the now infamous “You can do it” poster  (despite the fact that this poster was designed to boost the morale of factory workers during the second world war) but what you should be confronted with is not an image but an idea.

The infamous "we can do it!" poster

The infamous “we can do it!” poster

Feminism by definition is “the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes” and when I refer to myself as a feminist, this is what I mean.

I don’t hate men, I believe that men and women should be equal.

I believe in equal pay for equal work.

I believe I should be afforded the same opportunities as men in work and education.

I also believe that feminism is about the freedom of choice, so if a woman chooses to be a housewife, that’s fine, as long as it’s her choice. If another woman chooses not to have children, that’s fine too.

A lot of people feel that there is no longer a need for feminism, we can vote, we have female leaders, paid maternity leave, what more could we possibly want?

Working in IT, a field generally dominated by men, has proved to me that there is still a need for feminism. When I call up certain manufacturers for support for their products they will often assume that I am a secretary or speak to me as if I am stupid. I have called up to try and organise a repair only to be asked “have you plugged the computer in?”

It’s not just in the professional sector I come across these problems. As a consumer, when I am buying something from an electronics store I find I usually need to take my Dad or another adult male with me just so I can get service. We will then be served by a man who will speak only to the man with me. If I ask a question, the response will be directed to my male counterpart. I don’t know if this is because they think he will have all the money or if it’s because they just don’t want to overload me with technical details and confuse my pretty little head. Generally, I think it’s the latter based on when I bought a laptop the one time the guy did talk to me was to tell me that “this one comes in pink.” (If you are wondering, no, I did not buy my laptop from there.)

With Julia Gillard as Prime Minister of Australia there is the feeling that, “this is it.” We made it. We broke the glass ceiling. Just one look at the shit Julia Gillard has to put up with proves this is not the case. I am not a supporter of Gillard’s but I do believe that she gets more abuse than she deserves purely because she is a woman. Not just a woman, but an unmarried, atheist woman. She has been called “barren” by members of the opposition because she doesn’t have children. These things have nothing to do with how she leads the country, yet they keep being bought up.  (I am aware of the irony of me bringing it up to prove my point so no need to point that out to me.)

Then you have Beyonce, arguably one of the most powerful women in the world, who calls herself a feminist. That’s great. I just wish she had done it while wearing clothes and not on a men’s magazine. I stand by Beyonce’s choice and right to pose in underwear if she wants to, I don’t have a problem with that. What I have a problem with is saying you’re a feminist whilst posing in a sexually suggestive manner for a men’s magazine which you know will objectify you. It kind of defeats the purpose.

Beyonce on the cover of GQ whilst speaking about feminism

Beyonce on the cover of GQ whilst speaking about feminism

I don’t believe we need an entirely new feminist movement but we do need to keep working. It’s something that needs to stay in public discussion. Germaine Greer and Beyonce do not speak for me. I speak for myself and I think all women should.