Literally I Can’t Believe this Song Exists

Could this be 2014’s answer to last year’s rape anthem “blurred lines?” I think so…I think the record company has come to learn that too because this message now pops up at the start of the song:

This message pops up when the video starts

This message pops up when the video starts

“The following is a satirical video based on Sororities/Fraternities and the cliche “Literally I Can’t”.

This content is in no way to be interpreted as misogynistic or negative towards any groups of people. It is an art piece and it shall be taken as such.”

The whole song is basically telling girls to “shut the fuck up” and now the disclaimer is saying this shall be taken as an art piece. I can’t help but feel that should say should be taken as such…but I’m female so they have the right to tell me what to do. We also clearly have very different ideas about what constitutes “art.” I would call this trash but, once again, female, therefore I should just shut up.

If I hear any little girls singing this (and I’m sure I will), I will die a little inside.

Here’s the lovely video:

And the lyrics (taken from http://artists.letssingit.com/play-n-skillz-lyrics-literally-i-cant-feat-enertia-mcfly-lil-jon-and-redfoo-f4gg5d9#axzz3JEEVkt5o):

[Intro: Lil Jon]
Hey!!! (HEY!)
Ladies and gentlemen, (YEAH!)
It’s time to party! (PARTY!)
So that means (WHAT?)
While I’m at my mother fucking table (UH HUH)
And I’m trying to dance (UH HUH)
Don’t fucking talk to me! (LET’S GO!)

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party? (PARTY, PARTY, PARTY)
I can’t
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t
(LET’S GO!)
Wanna dance?
I can’t
Where your friends?
I can’t
Girl on girl?
I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
OMG, STFU!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

Redfoo!!!!! (OH! LET’S ROCK!)

[Verse 1: Redfoo]
Yo! We in the club
We bottle poppin’
We sippin’ that bubbly
We-we-we Party Rockin’
You got a big ol’ butt
I can tell by the way you’re walkin’
But you annoying me ’cause you’re talkin’ (STFU!)
Bounce on the pogo
Jump on the jack hammer
Get low, low, low
While I Instagram ya
Shhh, don’t talk about it, be about it
Work it and twerk it, and maybe I’ll tweet about it
They’ll read about it
And you could be winnin’
I said jump on the poll
I didn’t mean your opinion
Gurrrrl I’m sippin’ on this drink
I’m tryna see what you got
Not tryna hear what you think

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party?
I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
Literally, I can’t
OMG, STFU
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

[Verse 2 Enertia McFly]
Look… I’m tryna get your fine ass on the dance flo
Girl I wanna see you get low
Go ahead and bring it up slow
You’re booty in my hand is my new motto
Got the face of a model
Put your lips on my bottle
Let me see you take it to the head
Girl I know that you can
I don’t wanna hear no
Girl have you heard of my new super friends?
Play-N-Skillz, Redfoo and Lil Jon they comin’ in
And turn the party to a crazy mad house
Going all night until I just black out
After I do all that we can make out
Girl you know what Enertia all about

[Hook: Play-N-Skillz & Lil Jon]
A shot of vodka?
I can’t
Tequila?
I can’t
After party?
I can’t
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t (EW)
Literally, I can’t
(LET’S GO!)
Wanna dance?
I can’t
Where your friends?
I can’t
Girl on girl?
I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
Literally, (EW) I can’t
OMG, STFU!
SHUT THE FUCK UP!

You can judge for yourselves.

Why does this exist #1 – Porn Parodies

So I have realised during a lot of my rants that I often use the line, “why does this exist?” This of course, gave me a brilliant idea, make it a segment on my blog and I thought I would start off with something fun – PORN PARODIES.

When I heard that there was going to be a porn parody of “Girls” (aka the greatest show on the planet!) my first question was WHY!?! This led to me posting the following on Facebook:

The fact there is a porn parody of Girls depresses me. I also don’t know why there needs to be one… isn’t there enough sex in Girls already? It’s like making a porn version of True Blood…oh there is one of those…What’s next, a porn version of 30 rock? There’s one of those too!? That’s it, I give up!”

Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate all porn parodies, I think some of them are probably quite funny (I haven’t really watched any so I wouldn’t know) but below are five I think the world could have done without.

1. Girls

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The original HBO Girls

There are several things wrong with creating a Girls porn parody. One of my biggest arguments against it is that the show already has a lot of graphic sex scenes in it, as for the other ones, I think the show’s creator Lena Dunham said it best on Twitter.

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The parody, which is very creatively titled “This Ain’t Girls XXX,” is produced by Hustler and while, according to star Richie Calhoun, it tries to capture the show’s weirdness it does seem to stray from the original. Hannah apparently gives up on men and turns to lesbianism for a while only to return to Adam who makes her “crawl” back to his bed.

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Girls the XXX Parody.

2. The Simpsons

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The Simpsons as we know and love them.

Arguably one of the most beloved cartoons on television, The Simpsons is not even safe from porn parodies.

Also produced by Hustler and titled “The Simpsons – The XXX Parody” (you would really think that Hustler would pay someone to think up better titles) is Homer and Marge’s sex tape…oh and it’s live action. NOT CARTOON! But don’t worry, they’re still yellow. Yep. Not kidding.

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The live-action porn version.

3. Spongebob Squarepants

SpongeBob_main_characters

Cute kids cartoon Spongebob

Renamed SpongeKnob Squarenuts. Yet another live-action version of a cartoon…except this time it’s a children’s cartoon…oh and it’s about a sponge whose friends with a starfish, a squirrel and a squid. So how could they possibly pull this off?

spongeknob

The parody no one asked for…

With a LOT of bad costumes, that’s how!

And if you were wondering about the storyline… apparently Spongebob SpongeKnob realises he’s the only sponge and therefore needs to procreate with the only female he knows…who happens to be a squirrel…well it was never going to make sense…

4. Glee

Glee

The original cast of Glee

Yet another kids show turned into porn. Meet This Ain’t Glee the XXX Parody (yes Hustler again…anyone else beginning to notice a theme here?) This wasn’t one of those parodies I immediately objected to, it was only when I read about a certain scene in it.

gleepornparody

The Glee porn parody cast featuring all the girls’ bras because…well…why not?

In one of the scenes Tina (one of the glee kids) goes into the bathroom after being “slushied” (if you’ve seen the show you’ll know what this means) to clean up (which of course in a porno involves taking her clothes off…) and is followed by cheerleading coach Sue Sylvester who basically sneaks up behind Tina, places her hand on a strap on she’s wearing and promises to leave the glee club alone if Tina plays along. This is just waaaaay to creepy. I’m not creeped out by lesbianism (I am bisexual after all) but by the fact that there’s a teacher wandering around the school wearing a strap-on under her clothes!

Also did I mention they sing parody songs with more sexual lyrics, for example Queen’s Fat Bottomed Girls becomes Big Tushy Ho’s, which, come to think of it, is actually more disturbing than the thought of a teacher walking around wearing a strap on.

5. World of Warcraft

world-of-warcraft

World of Warcraft which features many weird and wonderful creatures.

World of Warcraft (or WOW as it is known to nerds around the world) is a fantasy online role-playing game that now has it’s own porn parody series Whorecraft or WhoreLore as it’s now known. Yes, you read that right, a SERIES. Again this is live action featuring a lot of strange costumes and make up (think green women and elf ears.) Unlike the others in this list though, WhoreLore seems to have quite a large budget but still…really?!

(I couldn’t find a SFW image for this one.)