While looking into feminism blogs I stumbled across this little gem;
“The Reasons Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old“
I was so disgusted by this article that, after having a little rant on Facebook, I decided to annotate it and then post it on here. I’ve decided to keep all the lovely photos the original author chose because I feel they really show his male chauvinism, especially the ones that seem to have nothing to do with the point (what is with that baggage photo?!) My annotations will be without italics (in case you couldn’t tell!)
The Reasons Why You Should Marry A 19 Year Old
SEX • EDDIE CUFFIN • MAY 21, 10:51AM
As life goes on, most men get to that particular age when they decide that they should settle down and have a family. Now, in order to do so, a man must reach a point where he is financially stable and can afford to raise a family. After his affairs are in order, he must then decide on whom he should marry, and by this age, he should know what he wants. And we hope at this point that his years have brought him wisdom.
If this describes you, we’re here to help push you in the right direction. Your life travels and experiences throughout the years have brought you a wealth of knowledge and understanding of the world. You are at a pivotal point in your life and you need to make the right decision when it comes to whom you should marry.
Do you want to spend your life with an old washed-up hag who has been through the works or do you want a younger, faster model that you can help mold into the perfect woman?
A woman who is older already has her ideals set and has made up her mind about what she will and won’t do. The older she gets, the less likely she is to change. Younger women are more willing to compromise. It’s much easier to mold a 19 year old into the perfect woman for you. This is not saying that she will not be able to make her own decisions and has to succumb to everything you say.
This simply means that since she is impressionable and she can learn what you like in order to understand you better. In the long run this will also help you build more of an appreciation of her and the things she does for you.
This is assuming that 19-year-old women are idiots who cannot make their own decisions. Trust me, by 19 I was not doing whatever a man said, I was a teenager for god’s sake! What teenager does what they’re told? And if a person kept trying to tell me what to do I would sometimes do the opposite just to spite them.
When she is officially of drinking age, there is a high chance that she will go out and get into trouble. Who knows what a woman will do with a few drinks in her and a bunch of thirsty men on the prowl — no one wants to marry a Lindsay Lohan. If you pick her up when she is 19, you can prevent such a lifestyle by getting her at the ripe age. You will be her protector from all the temptations out there and you will make it your duty to keep her on the path to staying good and pure.
First, I am in Australia where the legal drinking age is 18 – so for me, this null and void. Second, do you know anyone who didn’t drink before it was legal?
Third, this article is supposed to be for men looking for a wife – not a daughter. Do not act like my Dad!
Even though the quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, not all women come equipped with the ability to cook. Now we are not asking for crème brûlée, but simple dishes that can be made would easily will suffice. The older a woman is who cannot cook, the less likely it is that she will learn to.
At 19 the fact that she cannot cook is still adorable — if she is willing to learn, and teaching her how to make simple dishes will be a breeze. There is nothing wrong with having her learn to make dishes that you both like. This way it actually benefits both of you.
Again, I have numerous problems with this point;
1. Just because she is a woman, does not mean she should be able to cook. Case in point; me. I am 24 and I cannot cook for the life of me.
2. Do not call my lack of cooking skills “adorable” or I will punch you.
3. I will not learn to cook things I won’t eat e.g. I am a vegetarian, so if you want meat – cook it yourself!
There is nothing better than a brand new computer model that hasn’t gotten a chance to be corrupted by the world of viruses and trojans around it. As a 19 year old, she hasn’t really gotten the chance to go through much. The older women get, the more baggage they acquire throughout their life journey.
An older woman may have tons of baggage with her and it can make the experience quite annoying. A 19 year old has not, generally, been scarred by the world and hasn’t had the chance to collect much baggage over the years — so she travels light.
Sigh, everyone has baggage. That’s why there’s even an imaginary show called Baggage. Even at 19 you can still have baggage.
Also, as a computer nerd, I feel the need to point out that as long as you protect your computer with an antivirus and fire wall it won’t be corrupted by viruses. If you’re nice and NOT an arsehole to your partner – they have one less piece of baggage to worry about.
The older they get, the more they want, and the more they get — the harder it is to please them. The young ones are easily impressed because they haven’t seen much. Therefore you no longer have to waste money on expensive dinners and the finest clothes. There is nothing wrong with doing so, but just know that getting a 19 your old is like getting an upgrade, but paying half as much.
It’s like doubling the horse power on your car, at a bargain. You can pamper your 19 year old, but because of her age, she is easily fascinated and it does not require much economic strain on your wallet.
There are so many problems with this I don’t know where to begin.
First 19 year-old women can still be quite brand aware, e.g. I decided I want a Cartier diamond engagement ring at age 16.
Second, we are not stupid.
Third, stop assuming women only care about money.
Fourth, I am not a fucking car!
At this point in your life, you have traveled the globe and experienced the finer things in life. Now you have become wise and thought about settling down. What better way to settle than with someone who thinks everything you say is absolutely brilliant. There’s nothing like having someone reassure your brilliance. We are not to say that 19 year olds do not have the capacity to be intelligent or carry on a conversation, it’s just that the experiences you gained from your world travels will be sure to impress her.
Trust me, if you’re taking advice from this article, NO ONE thinks you’re smart!
Being financially stable is a crucial factor in any relationship. It allows the relationship to grow and manifest into something more. Each woman has a ideal number as to what is financially stable to them. You best believe that the older they get, the more they want to be pampered. All this means is that your measly 9 to 5 salary is not going to cut it. On the other hand, the younger they are, the less you have to spend. In essence, you can get away with convincing your 19 year old that 50K is financially stable.
Again, you’re assuming all women only care about money. This is also assuming that the women wouldn’t want to work and contribute. What if I’m a 19 year old entrepreneur who already earns more than you?
Everything in this world breaks down and needs to be maintained. Women are no exception. It makes more sense to invest in your wife’s education and future rather than her body. Now there is nothing wrong with throwing some Ds on the chick, but constant Botox and retail therapy sessions could get quite expensive.
Invest in something that is going to make more sense for you in the future. There should be no need to constantly buy parts for that old wife of yours when you can use that same amount of money to educate the young one and make an actual alpha female, who will actually sound intelligent when you bring her to events.
Dear Eddie, this point has confirmed for me that if I ever meet you I am going to punch you in the face and then probably kick you in the balls just for good measure. Once again, women are not cars, you do not buy “parts” for them.
Do not offer to pay for a woman to get her boobs done. EVER! I cannot even begin to tell you how insulting that is. If you’re lucky enough to find a girl who will share her body with you and you insult her boobs you do NOT deserve her!
Trust me, if you start saying this shit at a party, it’s not going to be your girlfriend who looks stupid.
While a 30-year-old woman is experienced and knows all the tricks of the trade, it could get quite tiresome putting in all that work, all the time. You just want to get yours and sometimes going younger is the best solution. Why not have someone who is fresh and is actually infatuated easily by your skills. A good flick of the clit and a pump of the lips should be enough to send her to the moon.
Don’t know if you’ve realised this but 19-year-olds have a lot of energy. Why would a girl want your 15 minutes (if that) when she can have longer with someone her own age who has more stamina. By your logic a 19-year-old man would be easier to “train” when a 30-year-old man might already think he knows what he’s doing and might not be willing to learn.
These are the three best qualities in a young girl and one of the major factors one should keep in mind when considering marrying a 19-year-old girl. Unlike wine, a woman does not get better with age. She simply gets looser, her skin starts to wrinkle and her skills in bed begin to decrease as well. This should not even be a question, it’s like going with the old worn out Honda Civic or a new Ferrari Laferrari.
That’s your summary, here’s mine;
YOU’RE GOING TO DIE ALONE!
Now meet the lovely sensitive author, Eddie:
My biggest problem with this guy? He is clearly trying to channel Robert Pattinson (see gratuitous pictures courtesy of GQ below) who is my future husband and the love of my life and future husband would never say such things.